Remember your first day on the job? Your anxiousness the night before and the
pains you went to deciding what to wear? You probably wondered if anyone would invite you to lunch and if you'd fit in. Those are exactly the same fears and anxieties that your grade schooler may be feeling starting the new school year. They are wondering, just like you, if they will fit in. Specifically, they are wondering if they'll get on the right bus and if they do, if anyone will sit with them. They are worried about their classes-will they measure up? And, they may be worried about the bully who ridiculed them last year. Given the opportunity, few, if any of us would want to relive our school days. Kids can be a handful and protecting yours from hurt isn't easy. However, to help you navigate these turbulent times, here are some strategies to follow: Encourage communication. Whether it is around the dinner table or while driving in the car, encourage your child to talk about his concerns and worries. You can set an example by gently relating your own past fears: "When I was in school, I used to worry that no one would sit next to me at lunchtime." Don't minimize feelings. It's natural to want to comfort your child by saying, "Don't worry, you'll make lots of friends." Instead, let him or her know that you sympathize. "It's scary to start something new, isn't it?? you might say. "How could we make it easier?" Give examples. Avoid telling your child what to do. Instead, convey your suggestion by telling or your example or experience: "I remember when I changed schools. I decided I'd make it through the day by looking forward to a special reward when I got home-a cup of hot chocolate." "What if I get lost?" Starting a new school is scary, and even the change from one classroom to another can be intimidating for kids this age. Luckily, concerns about the physical aspects of school are relatively easy to remedy. Before school starts, take your child to the school if it offers an orientation. Take full advantage of this time to introduce your child to her teacher and explore the classroom. "How will I get there?" Unless you're able to walk or drive your child to school and back every day, getting there will likely entail riding the school bus or being part of a neighborhood carpool. For some kids, these arrangements are scary simply because they are new. If your child will be riding a bus for the first time, personally see him or her off and promise to be waiting when the school bus returns at the end of the day. If possible, see if you can hook your child up with another child in the neighborhood who also rides the bus. Knowing someone to sit with can make all the difference. "What if nobody likes me?" Just like your first day on the job, your child, too, wants to fit in and be liked. Age doesn't matter in this situation. Be careful not to unknowingly minimize such fears. Instead, let your child know you understand how he or she feels: "It's hard when you don't know too many kids in your class, isn't it?" or "I used to worry that I wouldn't get invited to the other kids' birthday parties." Then ask your child, "What can we do so you'll feel better?" Hopefully, as time goes on, kids will ease into their new schedule, just like easing into the first few weeks of a new job.
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